Where am I going wrong?!

As I sit here I feel like I could burst into a pool of tears. The calm has finally just descended on an enormous tantrum from my 7 year old to which he was that mad he was shaking. This happens on a regular basis and while he seems to be able to clear the mist and move on, I often find myself left with nerves of jelly. I don’t know where I’m going wrong with my children, specifically the 7 year old. I feel like I do nothing but love and care for him, he is not spoilt and I thought I set clear boundaries, yet he is constantly ignoring me and pushing his limits. My 5 year old has her moments but she very rarely acts out like he does. He has anger inside him, he has for a few years and when it rears its head it often rips mine straight off. He shouts, screams, slams the doors, throws anything within reach, has several times attacked me physically, and nothing can get through to him. The only thing I haven’t faced (thank goodness) is him swearing to my face.

Tonight it all kicked off because we said they could go to the park after school, it was sunny but not too warm and we thought it would be a nice treat. We had to stop off home, and instead of getting changed like I asked him he decided to kick off and was then physical with his sister so inevitably the park got put on hold. In his rage he then started demanding to watch the TV on or to go on the computer. Now we have a ‘strict’ rota in place so there are no arguments over the telly but one thing we say is nothing on a Wednesday, and they are encouraged to play instead, but tonight he wasn’t having it. So I found myself saying the classic “If you don’t play with your toys they are going in the bin, and you won’t be getting anymore next Christmas”. But it suddenly hit me, why should I get rid of the things I want him to play with, when I should be confiscating the technology instead!

I had a friend at school who didn’t own a TV. I used to think it was really odd that she didn’t but now I’m a mum it totally makes sense. She was well read, had a wicked imagination and was never bored. She had been bought up to entertain herself not rely on technology to do it and I can’t help but feel that it’s ruining my children’s childhood. I wish it was just my decision but I can’t imagine my husband agreeing to such cave man ideas.

As for the anger I am seriously considering seeking help. I know it is probably ‘just his age’, but I don’t know how long I can continue to accept this behaviour. He is rude, ignorant and down-right nasty for no reason sometimes. He can be the sweetest boy in the world but I feel like this demon is just taking over all the time. I worry for his future, especially at school. He is going to have such a shock when he gets to secondary school. He walks all over me and clashes with his dad. I just hope if I could get him to see a counsellor of some sort that he would have someone to talk to because he won’t talk to us. I tried to talk to him earlier about how he could play making an assault course in the garden for his Lego car and all I got was the response “it’s a pull-back car, d’ya think its remote control huh? do ya? NO!” …Who am I bringing up…