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Where am I going wrong?!

As I sit here I feel like I could burst into a pool of tears. The calm has finally just descended on an enormous tantrum from my 7 year old to which he was that mad he was shaking. This happens on a regular basis and while he seems to be able to clear the mist and move on, I often find myself left with nerves of jelly. I don’t know where I’m going wrong with my children, specifically the 7 year old. I feel like I do nothing but love and care for him, he is not spoilt and I thought I set clear boundaries, yet he is constantly ignoring me and pushing his limits. My 5 year old has her moments but she very rarely acts out like he does. He has anger inside him, he has for a few years and when it rears its head it often rips mine straight off. He shouts, screams, slams the doors, throws anything within reach, has several times attacked me physically, and nothing can get through to him. The only thing I haven’t faced (thank goodness) is him swearing to my face.

Tonight it all kicked off because we said they could go to the park after school, it was sunny but not too warm and we thought it would be a nice treat. We had to stop off home, and instead of getting changed like I asked him he decided to kick off and was then physical with his sister so inevitably the park got put on hold. In his rage he then started demanding to watch the TV on or to go on the computer. Now we have a ‘strict’ rota in place so there are no arguments over the telly but one thing we say is nothing on a Wednesday, and they are encouraged to play instead, but tonight he wasn’t having it. So I found myself saying the classic “If you don’t play with your toys they are going in the bin, and you won’t be getting anymore next Christmas”. But it suddenly hit me, why should I get rid of the things I want him to play with, when I should be confiscating the technology instead!

I had a friend at school who didn’t own a TV. I used to think it was really odd that she didn’t but now I’m a mum it totally makes sense. She was well read, had a wicked imagination and was never bored. She had been bought up to entertain herself not rely on technology to do it and I can’t help but feel that it’s ruining my children’s childhood. I wish it was just my decision but I can’t imagine my husband agreeing to such cave man ideas.

As for the anger I am seriously considering seeking help. I know it is probably ‘just his age’, but I don’t know how long I can continue to accept this behaviour. He is rude, ignorant and down-right nasty for no reason sometimes. He can be the sweetest boy in the world but I feel like this demon is just taking over all the time. I worry for his future, especially at school. He is going to have such a shock when he gets to secondary school. He walks all over me and clashes with his dad. I just hope if I could get him to see a counsellor of some sort that he would have someone to talk to because he won’t talk to us. I tried to talk to him earlier about how he could play making an assault course in the garden for his Lego car and all I got was the response “it’s a pull-back car, d’ya think its remote control huh? do ya? NO!” …Who am I bringing up…

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It’s scary!

…how quickly time goes by! 

One month ago today I was sat cuddling my 3 day old son. How on earth is he one month old already. No seriously how? I feel like I blinked and it’s just happened. I just hope the rest of the time slows down!

So having three kids – not as bad as I thought it would be – yet… but I’ve found it hardest trying to split my time. I want to be able to play with the other two but it’s tricky with a newborn to look after. Housework is a military operation and uni work? Everytime I turn on my laptop he starts to cry.

He’s currently feeding every three hours on and off, although of that three hours he feeds for half an hour and then spends about an hour and a half being winded or not settling because of wind leaving me with about an hour to fit in three hours worth of work. 

He is being awake for longer now which is lovely and I’m sure I’ve seen some ‘real’ smiles! He enjoys his swing most of the time and the other day we went to our first baby massage class. Never tried them before but he slept all the way through it so whether he enjoyed it or not – the verdict is still out. 

I had forgotten how much I love my sleep, having to get up for school runs when you have been up in the night is so hard. But I wouldn’t change a thing he has made us a complete family and we love him to bits. 

I hope the future is bright for our little man 🙂 our adventures are just starting!


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6 months pregnant and GTT

Today I have reached 26 weeks the equivalent to 6 months pregnant. The last 3 months seem to have flown by which makes me excited and nervous for how quick the next 3 will go. With Christmas in between it’s a nice distraction and I’ve been trying to focus on that and helping rabbit and roo to have fun before all the mayhem that will begin at the end of the new year. 

This time around I’ve been caught out by my increased weight, something that I was working on losing before finding out we were pregnant again. Obviously once you are you can’t really diet so my booking weight was higher than ideal. Annoyingly however it wasn’t far off the accepted limit but it has meant I’ve had to fight to get a home birth and am now currently sat in a hospital waiting room having a GTT.

A GTT for those who don’t know is a Glucose Tolerance Test and of course the box I ticked was high bmi. I’ve had to starve myself for the last 12 hours, fight rush hour traffic to get in for a really early appointment, have my blood taken twice and a yucky orange drink- the things we go through for our babies! To top it off I can no longer feel my bum as I’ve had to sit for two hours waiting to complete the test. After all this I really hope I don’t have gestational diabetes which is what they’re testing for. I’ve been so relaxed since getting support for the home birth, having no choice but a consultant led delivery ward would not make me a happy bunny.

On the bright side this week I have worked out excluding time off at Christmas I only have 9 weeks of work left after tomorrow, and I can’t say I’m not relieved, one thing I’m struggling a lot with at the moment is hip pain. It normally hurts first thing in the morning but yesterday I had pain walking around at work all day! Let’s hope it eases soon as I’ve still got so long to go. 

Hope you’ve enjoyed this little update and il check in again when I’ve had my results! 

Wish me luck…